It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
