i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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