if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
