I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
