There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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