I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
