Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
