He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
