i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
