Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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