So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
