wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
