Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
