You work out of a Hotel?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
