is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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