BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
