My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
