I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
