Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
