i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
