Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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