my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
