they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We got so high we made milksteak
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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