Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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