If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
