She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
