so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
