Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
