I think my fart just growled at me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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