I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
