Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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