You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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