I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
