Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
