My room smells like vodka and shame
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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