Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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