the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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