It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
