I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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