I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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