She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
