You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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