Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My penis needs a shock collar
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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