I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
