Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The struggles of a small town man whore
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
