sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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