are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
