if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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