woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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