I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
pray to the hookup gods
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
