Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
so much tequila, so little girl.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
