The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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