I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
