I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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