Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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