Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
