im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
