omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
