I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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