I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
