I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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